Some days I can, and some days I cannot.
When I can, it’s great! All of my energy is focused,
I feel in control. I feel worth the air I breathe,
Worth the space I take up.
When I cannot, my chest is full of sand.
My heart struggles to keep me alive.
There are bees in my head and and they make my eyes buzz with paralyzing intensity.
There are days I have all the answers I need;
Days when I feel comfortable and calm.
There are days I can imagine a sunrise, I can hear waves pulsing against the shore,
Children laughing and the misty sea breeze is twirling my hair.
On the days when I cannot, there is a storm at sea.
Boats are capsizing along the beach and I cannot hear myself think
Above the crashing waves.
And even then. Even when it feels like all hope is lost
I always know he is there.
When I can see the sunrise, I feel his warmth.
When I see the shipwreck I can trust that this is a part of a bigger plan.
Just as he calms the stormy sea,
He can calm the storm in me.
— Christina Catena
This sensitive poem was read in church by Christina’s husband Raul. They have been on a difficult journey with the loss of two babies by miscarriage, and they have shared it all with the ABC congregation.You can read more of Christina’s poetry and journaling at floweredthoughts.blogspot.com.
— Pastor George Van Alstine