March 31, 2003

THE MEANDERINGS OF SMIDGE SAMUELSON
Episode 7—The Slide Down and the Leap Up

It happens so quickly. One day you’re in your prime, the next you’re over the hill and rolling down fast. For Sandy the realization began the first time he was introduced as “Jimmy’s Father.” Before he knew it, he was receiving mailings from AARP. The most telling moment came when a movie theater cashier gave him a senior discount he hadn’t even asked for.

Fortunately, his health was pretty good. Barbara was only 57 when cancer claimed her life. That was tough. There was a hole in him nothing else could fill. But in the process Sandy learned an important lesson: that his Christian faith and life, which first came to him through Barbara, was his own.

He recognized that he was now a believer from the inside out, rather than from the outside in. In some mysterious way, the Spirit of God had taken up permanent residence in him—right there alongside Smidge and Smudge and the pompous Dr. Sandford Samuelson.

The climax of Sandy’s internal drama came on his deathbed. After twenty years of living as a retired widow, investing most of his time and energy in helping others find faith in the midst of their perplexing lives, Sandy’s health finally gave out. It began with what the doctor called a “mild heart attack,” but this led to a chain of other malfunctions. His vital organs were just shutting down one by one.

The children were there, and the grandkids as well. They all gathered that night because the doctor feared it might be his last. Their presence was a great comfort to him—they seemed to represent (more than the books he’d published) the evidence of a worthwhile life. He worried about some of them, but he’d have to leave that to the Lord. God had overruled all the negatives in Sandy’s own life, so he could handle these next Samuelson generations.

Sandy hardly noticed when the family left. The morphine kept him in a semi-fog, so he was never quite sure what reality was. Right now, his mind was focused on a conversation going on inside of him:
Smidge: “I’m scared. I’ve got that feeling I had on my first roller-coaster ride.”
Dr. Sandford Samuelson: “This is quite natural and predictable. You’ve lost control and you feel you’re at the mercy of others.”
Smidge: “It may seem natural and predictable to you, but I’ve never been here before. I don’t know what to expect.”
Smudge: “That’s right. I’ve failed God so many times. Here I am eighty-three, and a Christian for almost forty years, and I still sin every day. If I die now, I’m hopeless.”
God’s Holy Spirit: “Boys, don’t forget about me. I’ve been here since that day of decision. Have you noticed what I’ve been building?”
Smidge: “It looks sort of like me, but lots bigger.”
Smudge: “It looks sort of like me, but clean, pure—almost transparent.”
Dr. Sandford Samuelson: “It looks sort of like me, but without the big words.”
God’s Holy Spirit: “It’s not just like you; it is you. It’s the eternal you. This mortal sickness is God’s way of freeing you to be you. In just a moment, Smidge, Smudge, Dr. Samuelson, you’ll all climb into the new you, the eternal you. Then you’ll pass on over.”
Smidge: “That’s it?”
God’s Holy Spirit: “That’s it!”
Smudge: “That’s all?”
God’s Holy Spirit: “That’s all!”
Dr. Sandford Samuelson: “I’m sure, there’s more to it than that. After all, the human psyche is very complex, involving the amazing brain and . . . .”
Smidge: “Stifle, Doc!”
Smudge: “Get on board!”

And the new, eternal, perfectly-whole Sandy whispered through the morphine haze: “Into your hands I commit my spirit.” At least, that’s what the attending nurse thought she heard just before he stopped breathing.

–Pastor George Van Alstine