March 17, 2003 

THE MEANDERINGS OF SMIDGE SAMUELSON
Episode 6 – THE FRUITFUL YEARS

It took years of fumbling around, but finally Sandy met God. That indescribable moment changed his life. He didn't have such dramatic encounters every day from then on, but he didn't need them to bolster his faith. Instead, a new spiritual core developed within him, cultivated by daily prayer, Bible study and the worship and fellowship of his wife Barbara's church.

The church thing surprised him. Though he had liked Pastor Steve since he first met him in premarital counseling sessions, he didn't have much respect for the man's education or his ability to think. This was an unfair judgment, since Sandy was coming from an intellectual snobbery not uncommon among people who themselves have earned graduate degrees.

Sandy was not surprised that Pastor Steve knew the Bible well, but he found that he also had a pretty good understanding of philosophy, world history, science, various cultures—and even psychology, Sandy's own field of expertise. In time, he discovered that a person can come to know a whole spectrum of truths about the world and about the meaning of human life by a proper reading of the Bible, not in isolation, but in constant interaction with the whole world of ideas and opinions. He had expected the Pastor's belief system to be narrow and churchy, but he found that his mind was in some ways broader and more open than his own.

It was through the interaction of these two men that Sandy found his spiritual insight and strength growing. In time he discovered that the experience was mutual, that Pastor Steve's understanding of people and how to help them was being enhanced by their conversations together. The two became special friends.

Barbara and the kids also seemed different to Sandy, now that he saw them through his believer's eyes. The shared experience of living with a consciousness of God's love and guidance bound them together as a family. Barbara opened up to Sandy facets of herself which had previously been opaque to his unbelieving eyes. Sandy reciprocated, dropping his careful defenses and letting her in closer to his soul. He even introduced her to Smidge and Smudge.

It surprised Sandy that his two alter-egos were still around. He thought that when the new, healthy, Christian Sandford Samuelson emerged these old shadow-selves would disappear.

In fact, he found that Smidge was an essential part of who he had become. The feeling of being small and inadequate was with him every time he prayed or worshiped. And, in contrast with the past, it felt good to be Smidge. It was nice to be a small child holding tightly his heavenly Father's hand. After a week of fulfilling the expectations connected with the role of Dr. Samuelson, Associate Professor, it was a relief to be little Smidge in God's presence at Sunday worship.

The continued existence of Smudge was more problematic. How could the selfish, petty, dark side of him still have so much vitality? Like it or not, it was a fact.

In time, though, Sandy saw that the Smudge part of him had a role to play in his life as a Christian. The discovery came in a conversation where Pastor Steve revealed a dark side of himself. Sandy did not recoil. In fact, he felt he knew the Pastor better after seeing him from this unflattering aspect. The "smudgy Steve" was actually more likeable, more understandable, than the "saintly Steve" had been. The next Sunday, the two men exchanged knowing glances during the singing of an old hymn, "I'm Only a Sinner, Saved by Grace." Everyone in the congregation seemed more real as he viewed each one that way.

Over the years, Sandy continued to grow spiritually. His gifts became evident to the congregation, and he served in the church's ministry as part of the visitation team, and then as an adult Sunday School teacher. Ultimately, he was asked to serve on the Church Board. Smidge cried "Unqualified!" Smudge echoed "Unworthy!" But Sandy said Yes anyway, and God really used him as one of the church's most wise and mature leaders.

The day that he met God had been the turning point. Nothing was the same after that; all things had become new—just as the Bible promised.

–Pastor George Van Alstine